Sunday, June 19, 2011

Dear Thief,

I admit that we've been under the spell of our urban fairytale where neighbors host Friday happy hours and traffic yields to kids running from yard to yard. It seemed like the stuff of urban legend when we were warned to put our outdoor storage on lock-down, lest some villain invade our sweet street. I guess--thanks for the wake-up call? Now when I look around our carport and see the empty spot where BG's dad's pole saw used to rest, I imagine what you must have thought: fair game.

I know eyes will roll when I admit that I've been a bit of a bleeding heart in the past when it comes to petty theft. I mean, if you work for a fruit stand and pocket an apple because you are starving... well you gotta eat, right? Of course, that was before it was my father-in-law's apple, which we borrowed and stored in our apple cart. It is a hideous feeling to tell the owner of a borrowed thing, "Oh no! I guess someone took it." It's even worse when you find out the thing costs a couple hundred bucks. *gulp* That's a crap-ton of apples right there.


So, thief, thank you for teaching me several lessons about life in one act of assholery. We know we can't assume that things will be safe, even under our carport, one foot from our back door. We clearly need to make better use of our locked down storage in case you target us again. And, most important of all, we know no one lives in a bubble, even on streets where the Cabernet flows freely and kids run free-range.


P.S. I hope that you find our apple delicious and then break a tooth on it.


  1. Thanks, guys. I'm not sure how BG feels about it today, but I am not as filled with rage :D I mean, it does stink, but the pole saw is replaceable, and my FIL was very nice about it (as he is with all things). :)

  2. The disillusionment must be worse than the loss. Or maybe not.

  3. I hope the @#$%^&* cuts off his/her arm with the saw!